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21st October 2018 
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Attachment Centered Therapy in Manchester or Anywhere via Electronic Media

Hello and welcome to my website. My name is Charley Shults and I provide:
Addiction Counselling Manchester
Relationship Counselling Manchester
Family Therapy Manchester
Attachment Centred Therapy Manchester


I provide these at 2 Railway Terrace in Chorlton-cum-Hardy, M21 0RQ, in Manchester, or via Skype, telephone, or other electronic media as you prefer.

What are attachment relationships? Essentially, they are people with whom we have a close personal relationship of a familial nature. This includes parent & child and spousal (domestic partnership) relationships. So, when you grow up with your parents, then choose a life partner), then have children yourself, these are all attachment relationships. In addition, there can be other, alternative attachment figures, such as grandparents, aunts or uncles, occasionally siblings, and sometimes people who have no familial relationship, but stand in as substitute attachment figures.

When they go well, we are happy. When they don’t go well, then it leads to unhappiness in one way or another.

These relationships can be conceived of in five different core beliefs. First is how you relate to yourself, whether you relate to yourself in a loving and accepting way, or whether you relate to yourself as being bad and unworthy. Second is how you relate to others: can you be who you really are with others, or do you have to put up a false self in order to win approval. Third is your model of the world and how it works, which create the rules or beliefs that you use in order to interact with the world. Fourth is the strategies and tactics that you use in order to get your needs met. And fifth is your primary strategy for how you nurture yourself and others. These then determine how we behave in our close personal relationships and how we feel about ourselves and others.

Since you have found this website, you are perhaps interested in knowing more about attachment and how it affects us in our lives. The basic proposition is this:

We need to feel safe with the people we need to feel safe


When we don’t feel safe with our caregivers - the people that we need in order to feel safe - then we are left with difficulties in knowing how to deal with others. There are 3 basic strategies, A, B, and C, that, in broad terms, determine how you relate to those closest to you.*

B3 or not B3, that is the question.
If you were lucky enough to have caregivers, usually parents, who helped you to feel safe, who helped you to understand your feelings and how to deal with them effectively, and how to get your needs met by interacting with others, then you are likely to be a B3. That is as good as it gets in attachment terms. Those are the folks who grow up, get married, and live happily ever after. B’s use a balance of both facts and feelings in processing information about relationships. And, they are not likely to be reading this now, because B’s are not generally going to be seeking therapy for themselves, and are much less likely to seek therapy for those close to them.

A’s on the other hand, tend to deny their own needs and feelings and are pre-occupied with meeting the needs of others. They rely primarily on facts in processing information, to the exclusion of emotional information, particularly negative emotions. If something goes wrong in relationships, they tend to blame themselves and exonerate others. In fact, some A’s will insist that they had a perfectly normal childhood, and it is only because of their own personal inadequacies that they are seeking help.

C’s tend to dismiss the needs and feelings of others and are pre-occupied with their own. They rely primarily on their own emotional state in processing information. If something goes wrong in relationships, they tend to blame the other and exonerate themselves. This keeps them stuck in a cycle of insecurity, because they fail to learn from experience, lacking the cause and effect connections that help them to understand how their behaviour is contributing to the problems they experience.

How did it get this way? Research, both in the lab and in direct observation of child and caregiver relationships, support the theory that vagal tone (our default response setting to environmental influences, plus our own internally operations) is set during the first months and years of life. In fact, in Mary Ainsworth's observations of mother/infant relationships, she could predict how the infant would be classified at around age 12 months on the Strange Situations Procedure (SSP) during the first 3 months of life! This then sets the 'tone' for the rest of life's experiences. That is why it is so hard for people to change their ways even when they want to. In order to do this, we have to reprogram the unconscious mind.

I have created 3 sayings, one for each category, that are designed to help them to reprogram, except for the B’s who don’t really need much help and rarely show up in a therapy office.

For A’s: Logically, it makes sense to be more emotional.

For C’s: Emotionally, it feels good to be more logical.

For B’s: I am comfortable using both facts and feelings in making choices in relationships.


Attachment Centered Therapy Manchester:

I have developed a model of therapy that I call Attachment Centred Therapy. What this means is that the services that I provide, while varied, are all centred around attachment relationships.

As a part of my work with individuals, couples and families I provide
Relationship Counselling Manchester
Addiction Counselling Manchester
Family Therapy Manchester

These are offered either separately or as an integral part of Attachment Centred Therapy, since I find that difficulties in these areas almost always spring from attachment difficulties. I also find that this work has a global effect, so that those clients who do this work experience changes in all areas of their life's functioning.

Relationship Counselling Manchester: Over decades of working with clients, and training in many areas of specialisation, I am convinced that the problems that most people present in therapy settings grow out of difficulties in their attachment relationships. These attachment experiences determine how we relate to other people in our lives, particularly those most close to us, and also how we deal with the difficulties that life presents us. I believe that by correcting these difficulties with attachment people are enabled to make the changes that they want to make and do the things that they know they need to do. My experience tells me that this is so.

Family Therapy Manchester: I also use an attachment based approach for working with families. Family work can be done with an entire family, or with different configurations of people from the family.

Addiction Counselling Manchester: I believe that most addictive disorders are due to attachment difficulties that result in unmet needs and feelings not being dealt with in an effective manner. The addictive disordered behavior develops because it is a vain attempt to meet unmet needs. While the addictive behavior provides the illusion of making things better by making the negative feelings that come from unmet needs go away, this is only temporary and so those unmet needs come back stronger than before, often leading to an escalation of the addictive behavior.

Attachment difficulties in families often lead to other common problems, such as:

  • Trauma
  • Sexual Abuse
  • Stress
  • Relationship Difficulties
  • Panic Attacks
  • Anxiety
  • Bereavement unresolved
  • Employment problems
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Addictions
  • Co-dependency
  • Eating Disorders
  • Hypoactive and hyperactive sexual desire disorder
  • and many other difficulties.

    My practice for Attachment Centered Therapy, Addiction Counselling, and Relationship Counselling is in Manchester. My Manchester practice is within easy reach of Cheshire. I provide Relationship Counselling Manchester and Addiction Counselling Manchester.

    Thank you for the work you are doing for me and for Isabella. To my surprise she has told me about her "compulsive self reliance" and even read to me some data from the website you have kindly advised to look at.... I see this... as a big step forward in her life for which I am grateful to you. We are so lucky to have a professional person like you!
    Natasha
    Sent from my iPad
    (Names changed to protect identity)


    Charley Shults

    I provide: Addiction Counselling Manchester, Psychotherapy in Manchester, counsellor Manchester, as well as Relationship Counselling Manchester and Addiction Counselling Manchester.