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21st July 2018 
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Attachment Centered Therapy Manchester, London and Guildford

Attachment Centred Therapy website copy:
I am Charley Shults and I have been practicing counselling and psychotherapy since 1987. I provide:
Addiction Counselling Manchester
Relationship Counselling Manchester
Family Therapy Manchester
Attachment Centred Therapy Manchester

I provide these at 2 Railway Terrace in Chorlton-cum-Hardy, M21 0RQ, in Manchester, or via Skype, telephone, or other electronic media as you prefer.

Since you have found this website, you are perhaps interested in knowing more about attachment and how it affects us in our lives. The basic proposition is this:

We need to feel safe with the people we need to feel safe

When we don’t feel safe with our caregivers - the people that we need in order to feel safe - then we are left with difficulties in knowing how to deal with others. There are 3 basic strategies, A, B, and C, that, in broad terms, determine how you relate to those closest to you.*

B3 or not B3, that is the question.
If you were lucky enough to have caregivers, usually parents, who helped you to feel safe, who helped you to understand your feelings and how to deal with them effectively, and how to get your needs met by interacting with others, then you are likely to be a B3. That is as good as it gets in attachment terms. Those are the folks who grow up, get married, and live happily ever after. B’s use a balance of both facts and feelings in processing information about relationships. And, they are not likely to be reading this now, because B’s are not generally going to be seeking therapy for themselves, and are much less likely to seek therapy for those close to them.

A’s on the other hand, tend to deny their own needs and feelings and are pre-occupied with meeting the needs of others. They rely primarily on facts in processing information, to the exclusion of emotional information, particularly negative emotions. If something goes wrong in relationships, they tend to blame themselves and exonerate others. In fact, some A’s will insist that they had a perfectly normal childhood, and it is only because of their own personal inadequacies that they are seeking help.

C’s tend to dismiss the needs and feelings of others and are pre-occupied with their own. They rely primarily on their own emotional state in processing information. If something goes wrong in relationships, they tend to blame the other and exonerate themselves. This keeps them stuck in a cycle of insecurity, because they fail to learn from experience, lacking the cause and effect connections that help them to understand how their behaviour is contributing to the problems they experience.

I have created 3 sayings, one for each category, that are designed to help them to reprogram, except for the B’s who don’t really need much help and rarely show up in a therapy office.

For A’s: Logically, it makes sense to be more emotional.

For C’s: Emotionally, it feels good to be more logical.

For B’s: I am comfortable using both facts and feelings in making choices in relationships.

Attachment Centered Therapy Manchester:

As a part of my work with individuals, couples and families I provide
Relationship Counselling Manchester
Addiction Counselling Manchester
Family Therapy Manchester
as well as providing these services in London.

These are offered either separately or as an integral part of Attachment Centred Therapy, since I find that difficulties in these areas almost always spring from attachment difficulties. I also find that this work has a global effect, so that those clients who do this work experience changes in all areas of their life's functioning.

Relationship Counselling Manchester: Over decades of working with clients, and training in many areas of specialisation, I am convinced that the problems that most people present in therapy settings grow out of difficulties in their attachment relationships. These attachment experiences determine how we relate to other people in our lives, particularly those most close to us, and also how we deal with the difficulties that life presents us. I believe that by correcting these difficulties with attachment people are enabled to make the changes that they want to make and do the things that they know they need to do. My experience tells me that this is so.

Family Therapy Manchester: I also use an attachment based approach for working with families. Family work can be done with an entire family, or with different configurations of people from the family.

Addiction Counselling Manchester: I believe that most addictive disorders are due to attachment difficulties that result in unmet needs and feelings not being dealt with in an effective manner. The addictive disordered behavior develops because it is a vain attempt to meet unmet needs. While the addictive behavior provides the illusion of making things better by making the negative feelings that come from unmet needs go away, this is only temporary and so those unmet needs come back stronger than before, often leading to an escalation of the addictive behavior.

Attachment difficulties lead to other common problems, such as:

  • Trauma
  • Sexual Abuse
  • Stress
  • Relationship Difficulties
  • Panic Attacks
  • Anxiety
  • Bereavement unresolved
  • Employment problems
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Addictions
  • Co-dependency
  • Eating Disorders
  • Hypoactive and hyperactive sexual desire disorder
  • and many other difficulties.

    My practice for Attachment Centered Therapy, Addiction Counselling, and Relationship Counselling is in Manchester. My Manchester practice is within easy reach of Cheshire. I provide Relationship Counselling Manchester and Addiction Counselling Manchester.

    Thank you for the work you are doing for me and for Isabella. To my surprise she has told me about her "compulsive self reliance" and even read to me some data from the website you have kindly advised to look at.... I see this... as a big step forward in her life for which I am grateful to you. We are so lucky to have a professional person like you!
    Sent from my iPad
    (Names changed to protect identity)

    Addiction and Attachment
    Addiction and Attachment
    The term “addiction” means a devotion to something, and the “addict” is the person with the devotion. Thus, a disorder arises when the addiction, or devotion, begins to interfere with other important areas of a person’s life, such as work, play, family, friendships, and finances. “Addictive disorders” are an attempt by the persons having them to make up for the deficits or difficulties in attachment. The big four addictions are drugs (including alcohol), sex, food and gambling. There are other addictive disorders that some postulate, such as spending, fantasy, romance, work, and exercise.

    Addictive disorders can be identified in a simplified way by using the three C’s of addiction:

    Control - addicts typically experience a loss of control over the use of their addiction. This can be manifest in various ways: when they use it, how much or how long they use it, where they do it, and with whom they do it.

    Compulsiveness - the addict, in spite of making efforts to control or promises to themselves or others to abstain or reform their behaviour, nevertheless indulge in it, often despite their best intentions not to do so.

    Consequences - because of the loss of control, and the compulsive nature of the behaviour, negative consequences begin to accumulate. Sometimes it is the potential for negative consequences that accumulates, in terms of the impact on family, employment, and even the addict’s freedom, if the behaviours are illegal. In dealing with addictions, many questions remain unanswered by various theoretical approaches to addiction, including the medical model, learning theory, genetics, and social-ecology. Among these are: Why would someone pursue a course of behaviour that was destructive to themselves and others, especially once they had seen that there were other options
    available (learning theory)? Why would someone who had achieved sobriety, or abstention, for a certain period of time, revert their old behaviour, or “relapse” (medical model)? Why would someone seem to conquer one behaviour only to pick up another addictive or dysfunctional behaviour (genetics)? And finally, why would someone who had seemed to be successful at recovery go home one night and put a bullet in their brain, or as a dear professional colleague of mine did, take a fatal overdose of drugs. Searching for answers to these questions led me to the field of attachment, and I think that attachment theory, and especially the DMM, provides the answers to those questions.

    In my early days of using attachment concepts, about a decade ago now, I remember explaining the concepts of attachment to an addict with whom I was working. I found that simply explaining the concept, and how difficulties in attachment affects one in childhood and subsequent development, had great explanatory value for the client (and of course for me in understanding what was going on). As I finished explaining this to one client, he looked at me and said, delightedly, “Oh, you mean I’ve made my drug of choice my attachment object.”

    Well, that wasn’t what I had meant, but I realized that for him it was true, so he had educated me. His drug of choice had become what he was most attached to, at the expense of the legitimate attachment figures of his wife and children. It had become his secure base, his safe haven, the one thing that helped him to deal with – or seem to deal with – his negative (and positive) feelings. And it had become his most important need, leading to one of the criteria of addictive behaviour of “maintaining supply.”

    Today in dealing with addictions I no longer use the previously postulated models which predicate addiction as a disease, as a learned behaviour, or the result of social and environmental factors. The dysfunction makes sense when one understands the context in which it arose. That is, as an attempt to deal with negative feelings and meet unmet needs. Because of the primitive nature of addictive pathways, they “trump”, or override, legitimate needs and feelings. Today I understand the etiology of addiction to lie in difficulties in attachment, leading to negative views about oneself, fractured or incomplete relations with others, a distorted world view via distorted perceptual filters, and a adaptation to rely on something other than nurturing relationships as a way to nurture the self. And today I use an attachment centred approach based on the DMM as the way to understand and intervene in these maladaptive behaviours.

    Charley Shults

    I provide: Addiction Counselling Manchester, Psychotherapy in Manchester, counsellor Manchester, as well as Relationship Counselling Manchester and Addiction Counselling Manchester.

    And, I don't understand about 'home page freshness,' as I recently updated this page, yet the rating is still low. Maybe this will improve it.